She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize