like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
