actually, I'm a sock model
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
