Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
