It was confusing and full of hummus
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
