Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
