i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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