That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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