11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
