you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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