but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
