we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
