I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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