i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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