Can Purell be used as lube?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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