You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
