you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
