saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't deserve a penis
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
