then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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