question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
