I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
