Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
