I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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