I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
