I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
