I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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