i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She announced her abortion via fbk
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
