Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
