It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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