i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
