The brown eye won't let me do that either.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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