I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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