We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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