U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My day in three words: secret purse cake
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
