ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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