guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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