Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
