I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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