So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
