As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
