We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
