just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
