i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
