it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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