I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
