I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
