I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
