I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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