so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
