OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
