I cockslap morals
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh god it's open bar.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
