I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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