I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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