I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize