i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
