The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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