I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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