I wish I could teleport
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize