At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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