god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
