I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
