I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
