Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
