last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
