Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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