I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
