Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
